Saturday, May 19, 2007
I feel like I am going out of my mind.
What do I do next? Where do I go? How do I pick up the pieces. We have spoken almost everyday since my last post. Has anything changed? I rarely get "I love you" from him, suddenly he has no need to say it. "You know how I feel" or " I have to watch what I say". It is surely over. Now do I call his wife? Do I send her copies of our emails, conversations?
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I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I've been where you are. I honestly think it's some sort of game--the whole online affair. I think it's exciting and thrilling and it makes you both feel wanted, but it can't be sustained. Mostly because HE won't allow it.
My advice is not to allow him to make you feel insane. Take your power back regarding this situation. You deserve MORE than someone else's husband!! If he doesn't think so, that's his problem.
Now on to the "evidence" of your relationship. I have it too. I have years worth of instant messages logged, I have voicemail messages, photos, birthday cards. I've been in his (her) house on more than one occasion. I have enough that I could probably nail him to the wall. There are a couple problems with that: 1) I swore I'd never tell her (and I'm a woman of my word), and 2) I think she'd stay anyway (so what would be the point? just to hurt him?).
I have no clue why I kept the stuff, but I've stopped collecting it--even on the rare occasions we do talk. I still care about this guy, but I've finally begun (after 3 years) to care about myself more. I have to say, it feels good.
Good luck to you!
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