Saturday, May 19, 2007
I feel like I am going out of my mind.
What do I do next? Where do I go? How do I pick up the pieces. We have spoken almost everyday since my last post. Has anything changed? I rarely get "I love you" from him, suddenly he has no need to say it. "You know how I feel" or " I have to watch what I say". It is surely over. Now do I call his wife? Do I send her copies of our emails, conversations?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
where it all started
It all started on a game site.. Torn City. I married a friend his on the game..TerribleTorni. Mike and I became friends. I didnt know he was married, Mario(TerribleTorni) told me alot about Mike. They both were in a band that fell apart, but they have been friends about 15 or 16 years. Mario said Mike had the Golden Voice. And he does. As far as I knew, Mike was not married. Mike and I would mail each other on the game, flirty emails, yahoo im followed and then MSN. What I did find out later... Mike had been separated from his wife. One of the many separations he has had from his wife. What do you really believe? To hear Mike tell it, his wife was a vicodin popping drunk. In and out of Rehab. Costing him dearly financially. Insurance only pays for so many inpatient days. In the beginning, neither one of us really wanted to start anything. We really did start off as friends. Things progessed for us. Soon emails and then phone calls. Here is one of our first emails:
Hi Baby,I hope you have a safe trip. I will do nothing but think of you and miss you while you're gone. Can't wait to see your smile and hear your voice.YOURS,Mike
Simple and sweet. I saved most of his emails and have most of our conversations saved too. I 'm not sure why I can't just delete them. Rid myself of them for once and all. Rid myself of him.
Things were actually going on pretty well. We'd talk everyday. Goodmornings and Goodnights.
Always telling me that someday we will be together. But always using the excuse, its not the right time. His wife is sick, he has a responsibility to her. But we would somehow find a way.
And I know men never leave their wives for the other woman.
Yet it seemed like he was willing. Until she caught on and asked him if their was someone "online" Of course he denied me. No there was no one online. His wife did catch on, I don't know when, I dont know how much she does know. But we both have pages at Myspace, you can leave silly little comments on your profiles.
Mike has since recorded some of his music. New band, Mario and Mike created "MindScheme", it was going pretty fast, a music video a cd being mastered. Mike's dream of becoming a rockstar was becoming mine. I encouraged him, you have to try. Which, well if you dream something..then you should go after it. At least you will never be sitting someday wondering 'what if".
I am jumping all over the place here. So we both had Myspace pages. I became his number one fan. We sent messages to each other, left flirty comments. And then one day, while searching, I found a profile his wife started this past January. Pretty inactive. I didnt give it too much thought at the time. Just kept my eyes opened. Now she has a full blown page there. I know she created it to keep an eye on her husband. Soon he was telling me she was demanding that he befriend her. Finally he did.
She started adding pictures, one she added was one that I had left a comment on...something like you are so cute. Her caption Sweet and he is mine ha ha ha. There were a few other things on her profile that made me realize she did catch on.. she knew.
Mike and I toned it down, left less flirty comments.
Then a few weeks ago Mike got a foul message from his daugher. He messaged me Did you see my comments what my daughter wrote. Sure enough I check my profile, and she posted on my blog. Nasty child, well teenager. I dont believe his daughter did this on her own. Mom was in on it. No doubt in my mind. Mike apologized over and over. My profile became a private one, only my friends could view it.
Mike told me.. My wife is going to want to friend you, dont do it. A couple of weeks ago she did ask and I denied her. Then she messaged me, of course I forwarded the mail to Mike. What should I say? Here is what I received:
HI , I'VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE TO YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW... I JUST DIDN'T OR COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS AND REALLY I STILL DONT THINK THAT I HAVE THEM... FIRST OFF """I'M VERY SORRY TO HEAR WHAT MY DAUGHTER HAD DID WITH WRITING TO YOU--THAT WAS """UNCALLED FOR"""..."""I HAVE SPOKE TO HER ABOUT THIS "WHOLE" ISSUE"""...("SHE WILL NOT BOTHER YOU AGAIN")!!! SECOND-- I HAVE """NO PROBLEM AT ALL WITH YOU WRITING,TALKING,SENDING ITEMS,PIC'S,ETC TO MIKE"""...I KNOW THAT YOU TWO ARE REAL GOOD FRIENDS.... (I KNOW ALOT MORE THEN I LED ON TO KNOW AND IT'S STILL ALL FINE WITH ME)... THIRD--- I KNOW THAT YOUR MIKES AND OR THE BANDS """#1 FAN""" AND I THINK THAT THAT'S WONDERFUL""" HE NEEDS SOMEONE LIKE YOU OUT THEIR IN THE WORLD... I HAVE ASKED TO BECOME ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I DO HOPE THAT YOU DO AGREE WITH MY ASKING TOO... ALSO """"I HAD ASKED MIKE TO SEE IF YOU YESTERDAY HAD TRIED TO WRITE TO ME BECAUSE I DID GET FROM A BRENDA,BUT I DID IT WRONG AND THEN I HAD LOST IT,THEN I HAD TO REBOOT MY COMPUTER SO, "OH BOY, HUH?" JUST ASKING YOU MYSELF NOW IF THAT WAS YOU OR NOT)???... THANKS, TAKE CARE, DIANE
I know this sound silly, just my useless rantings. But I am hoping I can write this out, get it out of me. I have considered calling his wife. Showing her all of our conversations. Let her know just what her man has been up to on the internet.
I really dont want to be that mean, that vindictive. So my hope is get it out, read this and learn from it
Hi Baby,I hope you have a safe trip. I will do nothing but think of you and miss you while you're gone. Can't wait to see your smile and hear your voice.YOURS,Mike
Simple and sweet. I saved most of his emails and have most of our conversations saved too. I 'm not sure why I can't just delete them. Rid myself of them for once and all. Rid myself of him.
Things were actually going on pretty well. We'd talk everyday. Goodmornings and Goodnights.
Always telling me that someday we will be together. But always using the excuse, its not the right time. His wife is sick, he has a responsibility to her. But we would somehow find a way.
And I know men never leave their wives for the other woman.
Yet it seemed like he was willing. Until she caught on and asked him if their was someone "online" Of course he denied me. No there was no one online. His wife did catch on, I don't know when, I dont know how much she does know. But we both have pages at Myspace, you can leave silly little comments on your profiles.
Mike has since recorded some of his music. New band, Mario and Mike created "MindScheme", it was going pretty fast, a music video a cd being mastered. Mike's dream of becoming a rockstar was becoming mine. I encouraged him, you have to try. Which, well if you dream something..then you should go after it. At least you will never be sitting someday wondering 'what if".
I am jumping all over the place here. So we both had Myspace pages. I became his number one fan. We sent messages to each other, left flirty comments. And then one day, while searching, I found a profile his wife started this past January. Pretty inactive. I didnt give it too much thought at the time. Just kept my eyes opened. Now she has a full blown page there. I know she created it to keep an eye on her husband. Soon he was telling me she was demanding that he befriend her. Finally he did.
She started adding pictures, one she added was one that I had left a comment on...something like you are so cute. Her caption Sweet and he is mine ha ha ha. There were a few other things on her profile that made me realize she did catch on.. she knew.
Mike and I toned it down, left less flirty comments.
Then a few weeks ago Mike got a foul message from his daugher. He messaged me Did you see my comments what my daughter wrote. Sure enough I check my profile, and she posted on my blog. Nasty child, well teenager. I dont believe his daughter did this on her own. Mom was in on it. No doubt in my mind. Mike apologized over and over. My profile became a private one, only my friends could view it.
Mike told me.. My wife is going to want to friend you, dont do it. A couple of weeks ago she did ask and I denied her. Then she messaged me, of course I forwarded the mail to Mike. What should I say? Here is what I received:
HI , I'VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE TO YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW... I JUST DIDN'T OR COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS AND REALLY I STILL DONT THINK THAT I HAVE THEM... FIRST OFF """I'M VERY SORRY TO HEAR WHAT MY DAUGHTER HAD DID WITH WRITING TO YOU--THAT WAS """UNCALLED FOR"""..."""I HAVE SPOKE TO HER ABOUT THIS "WHOLE" ISSUE"""...("SHE WILL NOT BOTHER YOU AGAIN")!!! SECOND-- I HAVE """NO PROBLEM AT ALL WITH YOU WRITING,TALKING,SENDING ITEMS,PIC'S,ETC TO MIKE"""...I KNOW THAT YOU TWO ARE REAL GOOD FRIENDS.... (I KNOW ALOT MORE THEN I LED ON TO KNOW AND IT'S STILL ALL FINE WITH ME)... THIRD--- I KNOW THAT YOUR MIKES AND OR THE BANDS """#1 FAN""" AND I THINK THAT THAT'S WONDERFUL""" HE NEEDS SOMEONE LIKE YOU OUT THEIR IN THE WORLD... I HAVE ASKED TO BECOME ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I DO HOPE THAT YOU DO AGREE WITH MY ASKING TOO... ALSO """"I HAD ASKED MIKE TO SEE IF YOU YESTERDAY HAD TRIED TO WRITE TO ME BECAUSE I DID GET FROM A BRENDA,BUT I DID IT WRONG AND THEN I HAD LOST IT,THEN I HAD TO REBOOT MY COMPUTER SO, "OH BOY, HUH?" JUST ASKING YOU MYSELF NOW IF THAT WAS YOU OR NOT)???... THANKS, TAKE CARE, DIANE
I know this sound silly, just my useless rantings. But I am hoping I can write this out, get it out of me. I have considered calling his wife. Showing her all of our conversations. Let her know just what her man has been up to on the internet.
I really dont want to be that mean, that vindictive. So my hope is get it out, read this and learn from it
I am the "other woman"
I am the other woman. This is not a fun spot to be in, not what I have ever envisoned. It started out all so innocently a few years ago. I wasn't looking for a relationship, didn't want one. But what I do know, this needs to end. I just don't know how to go about ending it for good. Oh we have tried so many times to end our affair. Each time, weeks, months go by, but we end up together. What really makes this affair so ridiculous, it is all online, we have spoken on the phone, sent gifts to each other. We even have made plans to be together, maybe it is a good thing that we are separated by 750 miles.
My hopes are that I can put my thoughts down here, no one knows me, no one can judge me, but writing this all down, maybe I can finally end it. I never wanted to be the other woman. I wouldn't want it done to me.
My hopes are that I can put my thoughts down here, no one knows me, no one can judge me, but writing this all down, maybe I can finally end it. I never wanted to be the other woman. I wouldn't want it done to me.
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